Complete Surrender.

This weekend was good. Went to see Receiver and Tonelove on Friday night at The Boot. They were both fabulous. It was a pretty cool place.

Shot Rose's wedding all day Saturday which was fun and then spent the rest of the night with Lauren. Easter was great. Spent it with the family + Lauren, who is practically my sister. All in all it was a weekend well spent...

On a different note, there are some things that I have been thinking about and talking to God about for a while and a couple recent issues that I have really been seeking Him on as well. He hears me, I know he does, but if I am being honest, lately it feels like I'm hitting an invisible wall. Completely impenetrable. I can't see it and I can't figure out how to get around it.

I know patience and trust are major road blocks for me. 

I say that I trust him completely but in reality I don't even know what it means to trust Him with my whole heart. Who am I trying to fool? I think that if I can somehow can change certain people, change myself, try to be who they want me to be, manipulate circumstances, that the outcome will somehow be what I was hoping for. In my need to assert my independence I find myself trying to be independent in my own knowledge of the here and now and my own strength apart from God. I want and need to come to a place where I am so dependent on Him that I know nothing else. 

Patience is a constant struggle for me. We live in a microwave society. Everything is at our beck and call when and where we want it. I have come to learn the hard way that God doesn't work on our time. 

I am so impatient most times and expect something instantaneous to transpire after I lay it all out there for Him. Possible, yes. Likely, probably not. 

God is an amazing dad. He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. When He places things in our lives that cause us to seek after Him and to just wait on Him and Him alone it causes us to grow. I definitely have not arrived yet and am constantly growing. 

I need Him. I don't just need a little of Him I need ALL of Him. I am not going to stop pressing in for the things that are heavy on my heart. I can't. 

I am coming to a place of complete surrender. God is God, I am not.