Time flies.

I was driving on my way to school this morning thinking about random things and quickly realized that today was April 27th. Just another day for most, but for my family today marks a very significant event. It's the 2 year anniversary of Noah getting stuck by lightening. April 27th, 2007 was the worst but best day of my life. 

I can remember everything as if it had happened yesterday. Noah's heart had stopped after the lightening strike. My mom and sister did CPR on the ground of our backyard with the rain pouring down. I remember crying out to God in complete desperation praying that his heart would somehow start beating again. It was without a doubt the most helpless feeling I have ever felt. Watching your little brother turn completely blue from oxygen deprivation was beyond heart wrenching and the almost 10 minutes we waited for paramedics seemed like hours. 

After about 5 minutes of no response from Noah to the CPR my mind started flashing forward to his funeral and I just remember saying no God no, please not my Noah, please not my Noah. Paramedics finally arrived and were able to resuscitate him. They transported him to Chesapeake general and then to CHKD.

He was in the emergency room and my mom came out to get me to go in and see him. It honestly didn't want to. I was on the curled up on the floor of the hospital feeling completely broken. My mom kept telling me I had to be strong for Noah despite feeling like I had NOTHING to offer him. It felt totally surreal, I just wanted to wake up from the nightmare.

He stayed at CHKD for 2 months in a coma.

He had 2nd degree burns down the front of his chest. This is him the first week he was in the intensive care unit:

That picture does not evoke positive emotions for me bringing back emotional memories. It takes me back to that day, those weeks and months of sometimes feeling like there was little hope. But more than anything it is such a huge reminder of how far Noah has come. When I start to feel discouraged that he not walking or talking right now all I have to do is look at that picture to remind myself that God IS healing my brother and a day is coming where he will be completely restored.

Doctors were positive that he'd never move past the coma. God had other plans. 

He came out of the coma and from CHKD he went into physical rehab up in Charlottesville. After about a month at Kluge rehab center he came home August 31, 2007. 

SO much progress has been made since then. God is so so incredibly faithful. It's truly impossible to convey in a blog everything He has done for our family and for Noah through the whole ordeal.

Absolutely amazing things have come out of Noah's story. People have come to meet Jesus because of what God has done in Noah's life. 

He is nothing short of a miracle. God is constantly doing new things in him. I don't see any miracle as 'small'. They're all significant and important to Noah's constant recovery process. I have the complete honor and privilege of calling him my brother.

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." 

                                Genesis 50:20

Seriously?

It's almost a month out from my trip to Mozambique. It still has not fully penetrated my brain that I am actually going. 

Still waiting on my passport to get here, going to get my shots this week, and then planning my line of strategy for packing. It is going to be a war between want and necessity. I don't pack lightly for trips so it should be interesting.

God is just so very amazing. 

He seriously blows me away on a daily basis. He has blessed me way 

beyond anything I could have asked for this past week. Support for my trip has been coming in since I sent out my letters. It has really been amazing. On Sunday I had a check come in designated specifically for my trip for $1,000. I didn't believe it at first. That's a pretty extravagant gift for one person to give.

I try not to put a dollar amount on God's love for me, but it totally wowed me. All I could think about for the rest of the day was that He loves ME and He loves me with complete extravagance.

I am going to miss my boys while I'm gone... 

They're pretty much the coolest goldfish you'll ever meet.

                 Otto

                                                                      

          Baxter

Complete Surrender.

This weekend was good. Went to see Receiver and Tonelove on Friday night at The Boot. They were both fabulous. It was a pretty cool place.

Shot Rose's wedding all day Saturday which was fun and then spent the rest of the night with Lauren. Easter was great. Spent it with the family + Lauren, who is practically my sister. All in all it was a weekend well spent...

On a different note, there are some things that I have been thinking about and talking to God about for a while and a couple recent issues that I have really been seeking Him on as well. He hears me, I know he does, but if I am being honest, lately it feels like I'm hitting an invisible wall. Completely impenetrable. I can't see it and I can't figure out how to get around it.

I know patience and trust are major road blocks for me. 

I say that I trust him completely but in reality I don't even know what it means to trust Him with my whole heart. Who am I trying to fool? I think that if I can somehow can change certain people, change myself, try to be who they want me to be, manipulate circumstances, that the outcome will somehow be what I was hoping for. In my need to assert my independence I find myself trying to be independent in my own knowledge of the here and now and my own strength apart from God. I want and need to come to a place where I am so dependent on Him that I know nothing else. 

Patience is a constant struggle for me. We live in a microwave society. Everything is at our beck and call when and where we want it. I have come to learn the hard way that God doesn't work on our time. 

I am so impatient most times and expect something instantaneous to transpire after I lay it all out there for Him. Possible, yes. Likely, probably not. 

God is an amazing dad. He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. When He places things in our lives that cause us to seek after Him and to just wait on Him and Him alone it causes us to grow. I definitely have not arrived yet and am constantly growing. 

I need Him. I don't just need a little of Him I need ALL of Him. I am not going to stop pressing in for the things that are heavy on my heart. I can't. 

I am coming to a place of complete surrender. God is God, I am not. 

Yeah...

When you try your best but don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

1/3

Today in Religion class we were learning about Judaism. 

We got onto the topic of the Holocaust and my professor began talking about the fact that 1/3 of the Jewish population was killed by the end of WWII. 

That thought in itself was pretty mind blowing to me and then she began to say that our generation would know how that feels.

Wait. What?

I had to think about it for a second. She caught me off guard at first. 

She continued by saying that because of abortions 1/3 of our generation has been killed. Wow. 

Now, I have heard that before more than once, but it hit me like a brick wall today. As I sat there in my seat, the comparison of what happened during the Holocaust and what is going on in America today concerning abortion plagued my mind. Something different happened. 

A head on collision took place in my heart. It's hard to explain.

After saying that she paused for a second and looked around at the class. 

There was complete silence. No one said a word. 

I was not surprised by the silence and blank stares. People are so quick to remember how horrible the Holocaust was and yes, it was a horrific event in history, but there is an ongoing Holocaust in our country that is constantly on the rise.

I just can't seem to shake this one. 

I want my heart to break for the things that break His heart.

Late nights and...Witches?

It was a late night...again. Second night in a row. Why do I do this to myself?

I was sitting on the couch trying to concentrate on finishing and all I could think of was the fact that I was writing a paper on Wiccan ceremonies. 

I felt kind of odd handing it to my professor this morning. Everyone in my class picked semi-normal topics except for the girl who decided to write about female circumcision... Can anyone say TMI?

What can I say, my topic was pretty interesting and relatively easy to write about. Oh well. 

As long at there is an "A" on that paper when I get it back, I am happy.

My heart is somewhere else...

Last night was a long night trying to finish a paper for psychology. If I didn't procrastinate I wouldn't have this problem. I'm hoping it makes sense hah. 

Lately my mind and heart have been so distracted, preoccupied, and just simply not here in Virginia (if that makes any sense). In less then 2 months I am getting on a plane, leaving the comfort of everything I know here, and flying to Pemba, Mozambique. 

There I will be working in an orphanage along side an AMAZING woman of God and her husband, Heidi and Rowland Baker. This is something that has been burning in my heart for over a year now and am finally seeing it happen. I'm going, I'm actually going! Wow.

It is hard for me to express how full my heart is. I have such a longing to be there and to be there now. I have been looking at pictures from the orphanage for months now and even though

I haven't met any of them, the precious children of that orphanage have completely captured my heart. Honestly, I am not going there with the expectation to change anything or anyone, but with high anticipation to be changed myself, changed by love.

I read a book months ago by Heidi Baker called Compelled By Love and it wrecked me. I wish I had the book with me to quote, but basically she talked about seeing the face of love, God's matchless and boundless love, in the face of these children. I cannot imagine what that looks like. I want to wrap my arms around those little ones and never let go. I feel a relentless burden in my heart for not only the children of that orphanage, but for the people of Mozambique. 

Dirty, dusty, unbathed, I don't even care. On May 28th I will be on that plane to exactly where I know that I am supposed to be, Pemba, Mozambique.